May 6, 2003

So here's a small update since I have nothing better to do.

School finished a few weeks ago and it has been proven yet again that I am smarter than most. I've taken a liking to the grade A- but spiced it up with one A and one B+. Geez. Compared to my first year, you'd think that cancer makes you smart. Chemobrain what?

In other news, my article has been published in Coping magazine. With an incredibly outdated picture of me to boot. It's on the same page as an article about chemotherapy and fertility. Good thing too, I'm the most fertile person I know. If I can't make it as the poster-child for cancer, I might as well work my magic in the fertility industry. So you can go run out and get a copy, the magazine is called Coping with Cancer, I'm in the May/June issue, and my article is on page 34. Fame, here I come.

And in still other news, I had another CT scan today. The oncologist wanted to see my scans from last June from Ottawa to compare to the scan I had done here in January. The scans in Ottawa are done differently than the ones here. Here they use iodine as contrast so things show up more clearly. So more showed up on the January scans with contrast than the scans in Ottawa without contrast. Because the techniques used were different, the doctor can't determine if the difference is because the contrast was used or because there's cancer growing. So she had me do another scan to do a 3 month comparison. This will show either no change, a reduction of spots, or growing spots. If they've grown since January, most likely it's a relapse. If there's no change or a reduction, things look good. I don't know when I'll get the results, but I've been trying to ignore the whole thing. Most of me thinks that there's no way it could be back. I killed it with the chemo. But then a part of me thinks, why couldn't it be back. I've a knack for rare cases that are just stupid and frustrating and a kick in the teeth. And believe you me, if this cancer is back, I'll never have felt a kick in the teeth so hard. But until then, I'll keep smiling with my teeth intact.

I've decided to stay in Victoria this summer. I'm currently looking for a job or a husband to support my relaxation habits. Any takers? I make a mean scrambled smoked tofu. My dad and brother came out to visit last week, and my mom and sister are coming out next week. I'm taking at least one summer course, maybe two depending on what kind of employment I can find myself. I haven't been employed since the summer of 2001, I hope I remember how to do it.

I've been having piles of fun these days. Really now. Which is why I really don't want this crap to be back. Because I absolutely love the life I'm living right now. But that is the most appealing invitation for disaster. It'll RSVP like nothing you've ever seen before. Disaster is a sucker for comfort and happiness. I don't blame it... Fingers crossed my dears.

For now, I'll just carry on with my voluntary ignorance. It's blissful until it becomes too big and at that point it moves from blissful to blistering. Who comes up with this stuff? Put a sock in it, Heather.

Here are some things I am enjoying right now: Sparta, Hot Water Music, sunshine, oceans, beer, beaches, live music, Tom Robbins, David Sedaris, duvets, photographs, smoked tofu, my new shoes, eBay, The Most Outrageous Game Show Moments, shpants, hockey playoffs, skateboarders and laughing.

Here is one thing I am not enjoying right now: uncertainty.

That's all fer now, boys. Party's over. Nothin to see here. Don't stop movin baby, ooh that booty drives me crazy.

Update when the results come in. Live it up.

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