July 21, 2002

So it's been just about two months since chemo ended. Here's my update since June 19th:

I went to the dentist for the first time in awhile. I wasn't allowed to go during treatment. Also, it should be noted that chemo has been known to screw with tooth enamel and yada yada yada, it's not good for your teeth. Weird, eh? First off, I was impressed to find out that the dental hygenist had Hodgkin's when she was 11. She's now older than that and doing fine and has plenty of hair. All over her face. You win some, you lose some she says. No, that's not true. You always lose. No.
Anyway, then the dentist checked out my teeth and he and the hygenist discussed something in dentist lingo. I didn't catch on to the bursts of laughter and shocked gasps but I guess I should have. Then the dentist said "well, I guess you'll have to come back for your 1...2...3...4...5...6... cavities."

Yeesh.

So the next day I went back in and got one filling. Then a week later I got another one. Then last week I got 2 more. The other dentist thought 2 of them were too small to fill so he's ignoring them. Anyway, I discovered that I'm not entirely used to needles and those injected into your mouth are not pleasant. I also discovered that a frozen mouth is extremely fun, especially during lonely drives home from the dentist.

Moving on, on June 29th I had my birthday for the 20th time. It was still pretty fun though. My parents got me a sewing machine. Twenty going on 64. My friend Eva (who shares the same birthday) surprised me by showing up. She lives in Toronto (4 hours away) and had told me she wouldn't make it home for our birthday. It was pretty crazy having her pop out of nowhere but really nice. The day after my birthday, I had my huge crazy party where I learned my parents have more friends than I do. But I had a lot of fun and people I don't even know brought me presents and said nice things to me. At one point in the night, everyone toasted me. It's a family tradition. Put the cancer survivor on the fire and watch 'em toast. Well no, they did it with champagne... so it took awhile to get golden... NO!! There was a toast in my honour and I, having an incredible knack at being a dork, decided (much against an attempted restraint) to get all teary. It was pretty neat, though, seeing all these people raise their glasses for me, just in recognition of what I've done (for those who haven't read the rest of the website, I recently realized my dream of consuming a 14 pound steak). It made me very happy and made me feel very much like it was all finally over.

At this moment, I'm learning that I suck at putting my elbows on the desk becuase they keep falling off.

After my birthday, I smiled for a few days then on July 4th, I got on a plane in Montreal and flew to Barcelona with a 4 hour stop in Amsterdam. My family and I spent 2 days in Barcelona and to sum it up, it's a really cool place. Canada sucks. Spain is the smartest man in the universe. Nah, Canada's not bad for some things. Like cheapness. After our two days there, we got on a cruise ship. We were quickly removed from it and told if we tried to pull a stunt like that again we would be arrested. No, they let us on since we paid for it. The next day we woke up and we were just of the coast of Villefranche in France. Wow. Wowowowow. It's incredible. The next day we hit Florence and Pisa in Italy. That tower sure does lean, let me tell you. The next day we wandered around Rome. That place is absolutely nuts. Around here you're like "wow, that was built in 1748, that's pretty old." Pffffffff! The next day we wandered around Pompey. Pretty impressive too. The next day we were in Malta. Hot. And 2 days later we got back to Barcelona. We got on a plane there and flew to Amsterdam and spent 4 days there. That's a cool place and the weather was so nice compared to the crazy heat in the Mediterranean. But the worst place is eastern ontario which is more humid than anything I've met before.

So now I'm back from that wee vacation and I don't know what's next. I could stick around here til September 1st and then move back to Victoria or I could go back there now and have no where to live for a month. I don't know which is the lesser of two evils. Everyone in this house is learning that I'm very tired of living at home.

Anyway, I'm very pleased to announce that I have eyebrows again. There's still work to be done. They started coming in the day after my birthday. I also have many eyelashes and they're dark. My hair is doing fine, I wouldn't mind some more. A lady at the photoshop told me she liked my haircut. I liked that because it means my hair resembles something that someone would willingly do to themselves.

I go see the doctor again on August 7th. I haven't been too concerned about a potential relapse, but I've been busy being amazed by Europe. Occasionally I start thinking I've found another lump in my neck but then I realize I'm crazy.

It's kind of weird. I'm almost scared to go back to Victoria and start all over again and start having fun all the time again. Becuase if it does come back, I don't want to have had built myself up for another disappointment. Disappointment is an understatement. Last year, when I was having the time of my life, I didn't expect it all to be taken away like it was. So I didn't appreciate it like I will now. I'm so happy to be doing normal things again, and not worrying about getting sick or having hair fall out, whatever. So if it does come back, and I've gotten my life back, it might be that much worse since I'll be losing something I appreciate and want so badly. Whereas last time, it happened so suddenly, and without warning that there was almost no time to even realize what I was losing. Maybe this makes no sense at all.

So... things are moving on and far away from chemo and cancer, and I'm so happy for that.

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