Chemo #4

This is getting pretty routine and boring now. November 28, 2001 was chemo #4. I got myself a wonderful bed with a fantastic view of the washroom (at my request). I tend to pee quite frequently during chemos and the "race the other chemo patients to the bathroom" game just isn't so much fun anymore. They're all so much older than me... I feel kind of bad for using them for my own personal entertainment.

Nothing out of the ordinary this time though. Yet again I got very restless and anxious and frustrated right after I got hooked up and got things pumping into me. I don't like this feeling at all and I'd like them to just knock me out. The excitement of "ooh!! what are they putting into me now?!?!" has worn off entirely. I'm just afraid that if they knock me out, I'll end up wetting the bed and that would just be a bit embarassing. In a room full of 60 year olds, you'd think the 19 year old could hold her drugs like the best of em.

There was a bit of hassle with my veins. Apparently, they're "good" veins but very small, "just like the rest of her!!" (appropriate fake laughter to follow). I had to resort to my left hand this time. I'm not a fan of hand injections.

The dacarbazine took just over an hour this time, not as speedy as last time but I was a bit worried about the IV into my hand. I thought that might cause some discomfort but hey, I can take it.

I still have yet to experience the adriamycin "pink pee" phenomenon. But I saw a guy getting a blue drug beside me. It was quite a lovely shade of blue. My chemo jealousy was short-lived though. I avoided asking him to pee and let me see it. There's chemo room ettiquette too, you know.

I didn't feel pukey the day of chemo. I had McNuggets on the way home, a bagel and clementine for supper and a lovely bowl of ice cream and chocolate sauce for dessert. So much for eating healthy. I probably gave myself another form of cancer with the McNuggets, too.

When I went to bed on Wednesday (chemo day) night, I couldn't fall asleep and had myself some sort of minor anxiety attack and didn't know what to do with myself. I lay there with my heart racing and foot tapping for awhile. I didn't think the doctor was serious when he told me to lay off the speed (ha!ha!ha!). I don't like feeling anxious and panicky like that. I also don't like feeling like I can invent words like "panicky" and get away with it.

Thursday was OK, slight nausea. Today is Friday and I feel gross to a slight degree but yet again, nothing special. Tomorrow is day 3 and that's when I expect the nausea to hit full force but I. will. be. ok. yet. again!

I'm going to the lovely city of Toronto next thursday for the weekend to visit dancing Eva. It will be fantastic, I am very excited.

Christmas is very soon. I think I'll decorate the tree with used chemo bags. Tis the season... adriamycin is so festive...

Four down, eight to go. A third of the way done, baby. The halftime show will be fantastic.....

December 3, 2001

Today I finally got the guts to give myself my Neupogen injection. I stared at the needle and my stomach for about 5 minutes, then started to shake. But then I went for it. It was the least painful injection yet, I hardly felt a thing. It's nice to know I've done it. I usually only shake when scary things happen when I'm driving. But I was shakin in my boots today.